Tonight I had a random visit & therefore a good read at once my fav site, a taiwanese novel writer named 'xi juan'. http://www.xijuan.com (btw, my love for chinese novels was influenced by my mom.. hahaa..)
Despite of people criticizing taiwanese novel reading is just a waste of time, I still look up to this writer's novels, as she writes a lot about human behaviours, analyzing deep thoughts of people in boy girl relationship, reflected in their actions & decisions. Put it in lay man terms, her books have the substance le,not those dream dream white horse prince type....
Tonight I read about a story of a woman pursueing her husband for many years, putting him as her center of life, changing herself to be different type of 'wife' just to suit him: from a music & arts education background girl, become a sharp & wise business woman, even asked for a divorce in order to have the space to be trained in dancing, drawing, flower deco etc to fulfill his dream girl type! (that's a bit dramatic and insane for real life) ....
Skipping all the dramatic guessing and actions due to perceiving, the end of the story during their heart to heart sharings, it was said that she kept changing herself, striving to assist him the best, to become his dream girl type, is due to her insecurity of his love, that she thinks that she is never good enough for him, she is not sure if he really loves her... The confession of her husband is saying, nope I love you for who you are, stop assuming what do I need, what do I want, involve me in part of your future planning, discuss with me....
I wept & wept while reading this... Partly many part of the stories hit my heart, that I find similarities of the struggles that I had...
Yes, I love God, I pursued Him.. but had all that I am doing, changing my behaviours, my lifestyles, my actions, all are out of the assumptions what I percieved He will love me to be, and yet never really discuss and plan out with Him?
or on the other hand will I after married, live for Ian that I totally lose the originity of myself?
I guess I really need a good balance, in some areas I definitely need to sacrifice in order to support Him/him, but the key is still communication, heart to heart discussion :)
Good night everybody, I need to catch some sleep, looking forward to visit popo, baba & mama tomorrow morning.... Love
Will update more posts on eve & chor 1 after adjusting the photo... seriously I have the best family & also best in law family.... & not forgetting the best husband. *wink*
- CHUEY
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